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Updating so I can remember this journey.

August was my HSG and it came back all clear. It did however completely mess up my cycle and cause me to spot for 15 days straight :-( But thankful it came back clear.

September was hubby's turn. My OB office calls with their interpretation of the results and immediately refer us to Seattle Reproductive Medicine.

Last Friday was our consultation and the confirmation I knew was coming. We will not conceive on our own. Hubby's results came back completely normal - Thank Goodness! However, due to my age and lack of a left ovary the odds of conceiving on our own are not good. I was so glad our insurance pays for this consultation and the ultrasound I received the same day. I have one follicle ready to go so thankfully I do ovulate monthly. Our insurance covers 3 IUIs so as soon as a positive OPK appears I call and set up our IUIS for the next day. I got that positive OPK this morning so I will be calling and getting my appointment for tomorrow. I waver from complete positivity and the complete opposite. If this doesn't work, then IVF is our only option. And that is not covered by insurance. It's so expensive.

I'm trying to be positive and optimistic. I'm praying this is our chance!

Ch-ch-ch-changes

When I first began reading blogs I read any that caught my interest - mommy blogs, adoption blogs, infertility blogs, recipe blogs.... So when I began my blog a little over a year ago it was to get me through my husband's year long deployment. Well I am now living in Washington state, thankfully not having to stress about finding a job and enjoying every day spent with my husband. We have travelled to Hawaii and took a mini-weekend vacation to Reno. I am enjoying finding recipes on Pinterest and being a housewife. But my focus the last three months have been trying to get pregnant naturally; however, with one ovary, endometriosis, and my age - pregnancy has not occurred. So I will now be writing to keep a journal for myself as I dive headfirst into doctor's appointments, fertility testing, consultations, etc. A deployment blog that will now become an infertility blog. I suppose God had me reading blogs so that I would be prepared for this day. And though I know I am not alone, this road definitely feels lonely at times. It is emotional and draining. And it sucks! I cry, I get angry, I am optimistic - its a rollercoaster.

I have to put out there that being home and seeing the "crap" reality television on the daily does not help.... "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" "16 and pregnant" "Teen Moms" "High School Moms".... Are you kidding me?!  These people popping out kids left and right that they cannot even take care of is on 24/7. You know it would be nice if they had more shows on the reality of how hard it is for average people to get pregnant and how damn expensive it is. Just sayin.

Yesterday was my first appointment in Washington state with the gynecologist. I have to say that I got really lucky and she was wonderful. She was completely pro-active and on board with getting the ball moving with getting me pregnant. So Monday I go for an HSG test and then move from there.

And through all of this my hubby has been AMAZING!!! He is supportive and ready to go as far as we need to.

Let's do this!

Day 321 Memorial Day

My hubby is home safe and sound! We have been enjoying the last few days together. He arrived on Memorial Day. It was so amazing to see so many people at the airport that evening with signs and flags supporting our soldiers. I'm so lucky to have him home and now we can begin our life together.

Day 311 - Weekend Wrap Up

I have been thinking about celebrating my 40th birthday with my family @ Legoland for almost an entire year and Saturday was the day. I took advantage of the great ticket prices at the MWR on base. I'm still getting used to these perks of being a military wife. Back to Legoland... It was so very exciting and fun to see it through the eyes of the four year old seated next to me in the picture below.

 

He just recently in the last few months has become obsessed with Legos. My mom had saved all of my brothers Legos from childhood. So watching his kids play with them has been really neat. The last time we were at Legoland he was just a baby so this time was really exciting. My nephew had the best time and wanted to go on all the rides over and over. We had my dad with us who had a hip replacement about 12 years ago so a park employee suggested we take advantage of the handicap pass they offer (like Disneyland does). Fast pass track to all the rides... What a lifesaver! We walked on to every ride and it was wonderful.  Got to do almost everything in the park in the short eight hours that the park was open. It was the best way to celebrate 40!

My niece hadn't been to the park since she was four and had no memory of the park. She had a blast! She was a brave one and went on the rollercoasters. I screamed like a little girl and she thought it was hilarious. I am so lucky to have such a fun family. I am going to miss times like these when I move in a few short weeks. But I know that I will visit often and we will be moving back to San Diego asap!

It is my last week of work.... Thank the Lord!  Eight and 1/2 years there and I can't wait to be on a break from working.  I love what I do but the last nine months there have been really horrible and boring.  It's time for a much needed and deserved break. I am so so excited to spend June with my honey and go to Hawaii.

Day 301 - Fridays Letters

Dear General in Afghanistan, Thank you for finally signing my husband's Letter of Release. He's finally coming home. And he's coming home early. I will forever be grateful that you granted his request.
Dear Work, It hasn't been that much fun being back for a week, but I will be leaving you here soon. Really not going to miss you.
Dear Washington State, I look forward to getting to know you next month. And I am really excited about the cooler weather. Just keep the rain away for a little bit, pretty please.
Dear Endometriosis, The nausea you have plagued me with this morning has not been fun.  Please stop!
Dear Pycnogenol, I really really hope you help with the above mentioned letter to endo and nausea. Praying you make a difference.
Dear Forty Club, I hope you take it easy on me since I have to deal with the Endo mentioned above. But I did have a wonderful Wednesday celebrating my birthday with family.
Dear Hubby, I love you and am so happy you will be home soon. XOXO



Day 300 - So Close

I cannot believe that my husband has been officially in Afghanistan for 300 days. And we finally have his homecoming date. It hasn't really set in yet that next month I will be in Washington State and that my husband will be home. I get to see him every day! Looking back on the last 300 days I have been really blessed that we have been able to communicate via telephone, email, and Facetime. It's been a long 300 days but it's almost over. Finally!

Day 287 Fridays Letters

I've been reading Fridays Letters for quite a while now. It's one of my favorite blogs to read. So I'm taking the plunge and writing my first Fridays Letters post.

Dear Husband:  Thank you for calling me daily even if its just to say I love you. You are so far away and hearing your voice makes my day.

Dear OB/GYN:  Thank you for agreeing that surgery was the best option for removing my cysts. Even though you found endometriosis, you were able to save my right ovary and have been so encouraging in my future ability to have babies of my own.

Dear Nieces & Nephew:  Thank you for your infectious laughter, bright smiles and unconditional love. Watching you all grow up and being able be like a 2nd mommy means the whole world to me.

Dear McDonalds:  Thank you for having the BEST sweet tea in Southern California. I'm enjoying my first sweet tea in 2 weeks as I write this post.

Dear Library: Thank you for making ordering books online so easy And with as quickly as I read a book, I am grateful that you always have current selections available and it doesnt cost me a dime.

Day 286 Confessional

I've read blogs for a couple of years and have always been a "lurker" but I've decided it's time to get out there and do a link up.

So I confess...

1. I'm 10 days post op and finally got to drive today... Wasn't even out of the house for more than an hour and almost got hit twice. Much prefer recouping in bed. #payattentionpeople

2. I'm seriously going through Starbucks withdrawals due to number one above. #ventiskinnymochaplease

3. I've been off work for two weeks and was just approved a third week off. I am secretly hoping I may be able leave the house and enjoy a Starbucks and get a pedicure. #prettytoesinmyfuture

4. Counting down the days until my husband is home in my arms. We have a tentative date but that could get completely changed because the navy likes to leave you living in limbo. #livinginlimbonotfunforthisplanner

5. Post operative nausea is really no fun and I about died when I picked up a prescription that cost me $40 with my insurance. But I'm thankful I have that insurance. #thankful

6. I'm counting down the days until I walk out of my job for the very last time. Because I'm really going to enjoy moving to washington and not working for a long while :-) After working non stop for 22 years I think I deserve a break. #umploymentinmyfuture

7. And to conclude... I confess that being diagnosed with Endometriosis has rocked my world! I've been reading blogs for a couple of years now, including infertility & adoption blogs. Now I know God had me reading those to prepare my heart for my diagnosis. I truly know I'm not alone and for that I am grateful! #endosucks #gratefulforblogs

Day 280 A Very Long Week

April 16 began with myself going in for what was supposed to be a minor surgical procedure. It was supposed to be an hour. When I woke up in recovery three hours later and five incisions I knew things did not go as planned. Removing a cyst became more than I expected. The removal of my left ovary was (I will admit) expected due to the pain I had been in for weeks leading up to surgery; however part of me did have some hope the doctor could save it. That was not meant to be. Not only did I lose the ovary.... I lost the Fallopian tube and received a diagnosis that will now forever change our plans for having children. Endometriosis! What the what?! Oh... And all of this happens with my husband in Afghanistan. My husband who thinks I will be in recovery when he calls at 2:30 in the morning (his time) and I'm still in the operating room.

I have been in all sorts of pain that had me quickly returning to the emergency room the very next day. Setting my alarm all night to keep myself medicated as to not have a relapse of pain. Pain so bad that I was shaking and could not catch my breath.

It is four days later and I am still medicated and just beginning to allow more time between each dose.

I was supposed to be off work one week that has now turned into two weeks. Not that I mind being off work but it's not like I'm on vacation. I'm in bed the entire time. Minus my post op appointment that entailed having 15 staples removed from my stomach!

It's been nothing short of a nightmare that I am just now beginning to wake up from.

So I am thankful this deployment is almost over because we now no longer have the luxury of taking our time to have children. It must begin immediately upon his return. Which was the plan all along. The plan just didn't involve a doctor telling me that if I'm not pregnant within two months of trying that we will need to go immediately to a fertility specialist.

I've been researching doctors, our insurance, specialists, thermometers and it's not the future I had planned. But it is what it is and I'm lucky I have this short period of time to do my research.

My head is still trying to process all the words I heard yesterday... Endometriosis, Lupron, IUDs, Reproductive Endocrinologists, and a future Hysterectomy. Wow!

I can't wait for my husband to come home so we can do this together. I have to say I am very very lucky that my husband has called twice a day or FaceTime with me. He is my rock! I need him here .... It's getting closer and I'm so grateful this happened at the end and not the beginning of this journey!

Day 270 - Aloha

We are still waiting to find out when the hubby gets to come home, but he has decided to take 30 days off before going back to work. And that means we get to take a Vacation... to Hawaii!!! I have never been and am so so excited! Officially he has 70 days left and I just can't believe that sometime in the next 2-3 months I will be heading to Washington. It's really bittersweet... I am so excited to move and begin my life with my husband, but so sad to leave behind family and friends. But I will be visiting San Diego often and moving back as soon as we possibly can. I still have so much to do before I move... appointments, setting up insurance for the cars, filing for unemployment (so lucky to have found out that I am eligible), getting the U-Haul set up for the big move at the end of June/July. But right now I am just so excited that this deployment will be over and I will get to be with my husband every day. No more spending holidays apart. No more long distance. And Hawaii!! The sun, the sand, the beach, the ocean, Pearl Harbor, and days spent with my handsome hubby!! I can't wait!

Day 250 Boots on Ground

Hubby has been overseas officially for 250 days... And today is just as difficult as day one. I heard a song on the radio this morning and started crying. I miss him so much and cannot wait for him to come home.

Day 237 Window

Blessed to sit by a window at work. Thankful that today the sun is shining.

Day 236 Something I Wore

I wear my wedding ring faithfully and with pride. It never comes off.

Day 235 5:00 pm

Evenings involve playing on the iPad before dinner.

Day 234 Smile

These are the smiles that mean the most to me.. My husband, myself, my two nieces and my nephew. They all mean everything to me.

Day 233 Bedside

Beside my bed... Coffee, a book, my iPad, and that darn alarm clock

Ps... Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband! I can't wait until you are home. I love you ... Xoxoxo

Day 232 Neighborhood

My neighborhood... But I'm looking forward to moving to a new neighborhood in Washington as soon as hubby returns.

Day 231 Bananas

Fruit... Going Bananas kind of summarizes how I feel most of the time during this deployment.

Day 230 Up

Let's see if I can keep up with this.

Here is my Up... Could signify that it's the first day of March and things are looking up... Getting closer and closer to the end of this deployment. I'm just happy it's March because it's our wedding anniversary in a few days , my niece's 8th birthday, and a trip to Disneyland has been booked.

Day 222 - Snow Days

Hubby has been stuck on the eastern side of the country for over a week now because of snow. In all the brilliance that is the U.S. Military they sent him over to pick up new uniforms. Yes... uniforms. Can't just mail those out could they?! No they are making the soldiers travel all over Afghanistan to pick up new uniforms. And do they get to exchange them? No! They have to keep the old uniforms that they cannot wear and turn them in when they demobilize. So my hubby that I love and adore because he is so smart took all those uniforms in his sea bags to the post office on base and mailed them back to his FOB.  The snow has finally stopped and the sun is shining; however, there is no traveling out of the airport due to some conflict going on between the US and Afghanistan... it's always something.

So we are on Day 222... don't ever let anyone tell you gets easier because it does not.  You just manage. You take it day by day. But day 222 is so much better than day 2. Every day is a day closer to my husband coming home. And since he went back after R&R we have Face Time... the best invention ever! Seeing my husbands face is AMAZING!

128 left.... give or take - since nothing is ever set in stone with the military. But I can't wait til this part of our journey is over.

Day 200 Time passing slowly

We have hit 200 days. It doesn't seem to be any faster. I'm so glad January is over and we are another month closer to homecoming. January has been really slow. In some ways it felt worse than July when he left. But I try to stay positive and look toward the future.

Day 175 Officially halfway

Today marks 175 days of deployment... We are halfway through and its all downhill from here :-) looking back I can't believe we made it to this day. 175 days is a long time but it has kind of gone by quickly. I just pray the next 175 days goes as fast. I am adjusting back to work and hubby being back in Afghanistan. We had a wonderful time together. I enjoyed being off of work for almost three weeks and am looking forward to this summer. I've already begun packing for my move. And we now have FaceTime which has been so nice. I love getting to see my husband every day.

Day 170 What a blessed 2011

2011 was by far the best year of my life and I know 2012 is going to be just as amazing.

January brought me the man of my dreams, my best friend and soul mate.

February was filled with a trip to Washington state and a marriage proposal. And news of deployment.

March was when I married my love and was filled with more travel to the Washington DC area and Washington state. We also celebrated my nieces 7th birthday.

April sent my hubby to Louisiana for training.

May took me to New Orleans to visit my husband and I also turned 39.

June brought hubby home before he deployed and we traveled to Canada.

July was spent celebrating the fourth with my family in San Jose and the birth of my niece on the tenth. Hubby left for Afghanistan and I began counting the days until his return.

August was survival mode and adjusting to deployment.

September was my nephews fourth birthday and another month closer to hubby's return.

October was my sisters bachelorette party in the Bay Area.

November was the month my little sister was married in Tahoe. Thanksgiving was spent with family.

December brought my hubby home for 15 glorious days. We spent our first Christmas together and spent three days together in Las Vegas.

I truly cannot believe we have made it almost halfway through this deployment. It doesnt get easier but it is all downhill from here. It was our last time saying see you soon. Next time he is home for good. And I am so excited for the day he returns. I look forward to the day we find out when he gets to come home for good. 2012 brings big changes with my move to Washington state and I am slowly packing my stuff for the day he comes with the U-Haul.

I'm so blessed and can't wait to see what 2012 brings.

Happy New Year!